Fictional Men Are Just Better

By: Julia Lederman

Edward Cullen from Twilight, Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games, Augustus Everett from Beach Read, Rhysand from A Court of Thorns and Roses. These are men written by women. The quintessential book boyfriends. What do they all have in common? They view women as their equals in all aspects of life. They trust and respect women’s desires and abilities, while also striving to protect them. They allow emotional vulnerability, and they do not push patriarchal ideals onto their relationships.

Men written by women are the ideal manifestation of what a woman would want in a man and how a woman would want to be treated in her relationship. Being a romance reader allows you to discover your likes and dislikes without the risk of getting your heart broken. If one book boyfriend isn’t doing it for you, move onto the next. If you find one that is perfect for you, you can spend the rest of your life searching for the real man who is close enough to the words and fan art you fell in love with.

This then begs the question, where is the disconnect between fiction and reality? Why is it that we must resort to creating fictional versions of the ideal men instead of going out and searching for them in our real lives? I think this lends itself to a larger societal issue with the influx of “Alpha Male” podcast content on social media spreading misogynist ideals and the normalization of toxic masculinity. It has created an increasing misalignment of what men and women want out of a relationship. Within fiction, we can create a balance between sex and emotional connection that we might not find in real life. Romance becomes an escape into a love life that might be more wholesome, balanced, stable, or fiery than our own. We can fall in love with these men who are just words on paper, and who wouldn’t hurt or leave us.

This is why it is so much easier to fall in love with fictional men. It takes a serious level of optimism to put yourself out there in real life and be vulnerable to your feelings, but in fiction you know the happily ever after is coming. There’s a security in falling in love on paper. Maybe we have set ourselves up for failure with unrealistic expectations for what relationships could look like. By reading and falling in love with these perfect, respectful, and attractive men, we are constantly trying to recreate our favorite tropes, because what girl doesn’t want her fairytale ending with her prince charming.

I truly do hope a love like the ones we read about is out there not only for myself but for everyone else who dreams of it. And to the men, the guidelines and instructions are out there. Go read some Emily Henry, Tahereh Mafi, and tread lightly through Sarah J. Mass to learn a thing or two. None of this is to say good men aren’t still out there, but maybe Flannery O’Connor said it best, “A Good Man is Hard to Find.”