Maybe Let's Not Romanticize That

Dark Romance. I’m sure the majority of readers who frequent BookTok and Bookstagram—popular subsections of TikTok and Instagram dedicated to literature—have heard of the term. If you have not, Dark Romance is categorized as a subgenre within Romance Fiction that often explores taboo, toxic, or ethically complex relationships. The central characters tend to be morally gray—neither good nor bad but exists in a middle gray area—or villainous. Dark Romance often includes subject matters like obsession and power imbalances, which need extensive and detailed trigger warnings because the content may be concerning or traumatic for certain audiences. As I’ve encountered content online revolving this subject, there have been concerns about the levels of carelessness over what should or shouldn’t be romanticized. I’m here to shed some light on the matter. 

There is nothing wrong with exploring one's own fantasies, but romanticizing them on a social media platform is where the problems arise. On BookTok and Bookstagram, video trends continue to appear that mimic high intense and often non-consensual scenarios—like being stalked or kidnapped—with the use of roleplay and aesthetics. Doing this shifts the fear into allure, in turn subtly romanticizing it. This takes the trigger warning lists issued at the beginning of novels and generates it into a real-life aspirational guide for other romantic relationships, rather than keeping it purely fictionalized. Keeping the dark fantasies developed through roleplay and aesthetics off of social media helps to not romanticize such heavy and tense topics.

There are often situations where some readers will project the morally gray character archetype onto real life individuals who are in fact dangerous. This has happened with criminals or murderers where the expression for sympathy becomes misplaced and often these dangerous people are idolized. This blurs the line between what is considered dangerous behavior and desirable passion, as well as feeding into the mentality of “I can fix him.” It is too easy for people to project the morally gray character archetype as seen when Luigi Mangione went viral across social media platforms not only for his crimes but for his looks. This defeats the purpose of justice as no criminal or murder should be romanticized for the acts they commit. These toxic, abusive, and illegal behaviors are not intended to be reframed as intense, protective, or transformative examples of love, so keep those fictional elements fiction and the real criminals just criminals. 

If exposed prematurely or frequently, it has the possibility to shape dating perceptions. The online encouragement of these behaviors ultimately could make things that are hard red flags—coercion, obsession, or even worse—appear like green flags. Once one becomes desensitized to these topics, it can reduce emotional shock which leads to these behaviors becoming normalized or expected as much on the page of a novel as off of the page in real life. 

Dark Romance and the romanticization of it’s themes also deeply takes away from victims who have experienced some of the violent topics within the novels like rape, assault, stalking, and more. This happens because it is creating normalized ideals about abusive behavior, invalidating actual survivors' experiences, and spreads misunderstandings about trauma and consent. A recent marketing ploy done by Dark Fantasy author, J.A. Williams used the Cornell 7 as advertisement for her book series, Threads of Fate. After receiving much backlash for exploiting and wrongfully using the case in the original post, it has since been taken down and she has issued an apology. Despite having apologized, this still takes away from any and all victims who have experienced any of the horrific situations that have happened in real life but also in the fictionalized context of a Dark Romance novel. This makes it one of the most important reasons to be responsible with one’s online presence.

Now having explored Dark Romance and ways it has been harmfully romanticized, it is time to reflect. Establishing the clear boundary of what a healthy relationship is, compared to a fictional one that contains dark and often non-consensual behaviors is important. Dark Romance is written for those who enjoy the taboo, toxic, and complexity and actively functions as a safe space to explore dark fantasies, forbidden desires, and extreme emotional catharsis safely. There is no harm in enjoying Dark Romance novels; however, promoting those dynamics causes harm, so maybe let’s not romanticize that.